The internal experience of internalized autism

A person can have intense daily struggles with autism and appear "completely normal"...

As in, on the outside they look like they're on top of life... even excelling. 

Life is good. They're successful. They have a complete handle on things.

But on the inside, they experience...

- Chronic anxiety from autistic challenges 

- Constant panic and overwhelm over things that most people think are "minor inconveniences"

- Constant interpersonal issues that seem to come out of nowhere and make absolutely no sense

- Feeling like people are constantly finding them annoying 

- Crushing anxiety when something changes in their routine or environment

As in... the brain and body are completely hijacked. Anxiety takes over. Their day is completely derailed and they can't move on until the trigger is resolved. 

An autistic person doesn't look "normal" because they don't have real challenges. 

Or because they're exaggerating things you can't see to make them sound more serious than they are.

Or for attention.

Or because they're just a big giant baby complaining about "completely normal" things that everyone experiences.

They look "normal" because they are INTERNALIZING their autism.

Minimizing their needs.

Hiding their distress.

Suffering in silence because they're afraid of the social ramifications of speaking up. 

They might look "fine"... but they're not. 

Because turning their needs inward costs them dearly over time. Sometimes in life-altering ways.

These statements are not exaggerations.

They are the reality for MANY high masking, lower support needs autistic people.

Yes, our visible reactions can LOOK like overreactions to people who don't experience the world the same way as us.

But if the people judging us could live in our brains for just one day, they would instantly see how thoroughly proportional and appropriate our reactions are for what we are experiencing.

Internalized autism is real. 

It's not just hidden autism. It's lifelong unmet needs that can cost a person dearly.

And the more this is understood, the better.